I have managed to build a habit of quite time in the morning after getting my son on the bus for school. It is possible! Part of that time this last week has been spent praying about and thinking of what is next on this journey. I bought a 2020 planner back in December 2019 that was going to help me map out and record my upcoming journey. It is great. Places to write down your goals for the year, habits you need to build to meet those goals, spots to break goals down into manageable steps…everything my forgetful mind needed to tangibly hold onto the vision God was brewing in my soul. Now 2020 is nearing it’s end (thank goodness I think?) and I have checked off all my creative goals for 2020 except for one. And it comes to mind when I ask that question…what's next?
Website - check
Original art - check
Make prints - check
Art feels good, I have commissions to last me to Christmas…steady on that course.
Write songs - check
Record songs - almost check
Publish songs - not check
Gah…..but I don’t know how to do that. I can’t quite make them as polished as I want. I don’t want people thinking about the lousy recording and miss the message. And does it matter? Am I being too picky? I feel these songs are valid for what so many people are going through (myself included) and I know how powerful music can be when walking through hard times. And if 2020 hasn’t been full of record hard times then I don’t know what it’s been full of. (Haha I got a mental image of what it’s been full of and it isn’t pretty and it doesn’t smell good). Point being, I don’t want 2020 to end without me responding through song. And I get fired up when I think about that message. 1. God is a real tangible presence if we just stop and honestly look for him. 2. He has….and always will…bring good out of the worst situations we find ourselves in. He redeems, he restores, he refreshes…that’s kinda his jam. (Wow, Amber, that is SO churchy.) Yea, it sounds that way. For me, it is science. In the great experiment of my life it is the intangible Thing that has truly changed me and opened up my brain to a different way of thinking and being in the most tangible ways. But I digress…publishing music.
Gah….but I don’t know how to do that!!!!! I don’t. But the words of Johan Sebastian Bach screamed out to me today, “The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul.” It isn’t about me. Maybe I won’t end up singing my songs (weak voice, limited range, inexperienced), maybe they go out into the world and only reach a few ears, maybe they get picked up by someone else and blow up and are heard by millions while my name remains an overlooked sidenote in the “about” section. I am finally ok with that. Not in lip service but in my whole being. We need refreshed, we need reminded that it is ok to hurt and cry and feel “not happy”, we need reminded of what matters. These are things I have been reminded of and want to remember. My best songs have come through my own struggles and searchings. So. What's next? I, Amber Scally, am going to piece together a passable recording for three songs I’ve written and I am going to send them to other people. Not sure who, but they are going out. Like baby Moses in the basket. Maybe they will come back to me with help to record at a higher level than I am capable of, maybe they will end up out there for others to hear. All I want now is what Bach wanted - glorify my source of life and inspiration (God) and refresh any weary souls who happen to listen. I want to build up what others have destroyed, I want to help others give themselves permission to feel what they feel without the burden of shame and guilt, and point others to the only source of healing I have found to be true. We will see where this part of the journey ends.
To my one blog follower, thank you for taking interest in my journey, I do appreciate you!